My Birthday Reflection

Today is my birthday. It’s not going to be about a perfect
birthday. It’s not like a perfect day. But I would like to go back years ago
around

10 o’clock

on the same day as
this as it is the day that gave meaning to lives that I now changed. I would
like to go back years ago to the day when I dream of whales, dolphins and undersea
creatures and how telling about those fantasy was okay. I would like to go back
to the years when I hid my own bottle of milk and had my own obsession for Poly
Pocket, Barbies and the color pink. I would usually connect the dots on
coloring books, watch Figure it Out, adore Rugrats, watch movies with rascal
brats and play the organ. I would usually play with my neighbors, have drama,
draw figures, write stanzas… then these small nothings turned into something
bigger than it seemed.

Lately, on later years, I would still have the drama but
they turned more real than what it seem. I am very logical, I debate, I refute,
I stand firm on the ground, I believe deep and I open my heart. I live my life
with my own law, my own policies, my own dream… I listen to music from pop to
alternative. I adored acoustic and shun over guitarists on beach concerts. I
sung after videoke lines on channel 19 and flipped through entertainment shows.
I listened to media but I never followed them. I questioned society, I had my
own style,  I write about my feelings, I
was growing up. I fall in love - on nature, on God, on my pets. I loved my
family more, I feel love more deeply, I share this with my friends. I write it
down to you. I am more in touch with you.

And after 21 years, completing most of the tasks that my
parents wanted for me- I concluded that life is long after all. After all the
decisions that I have to make, all the mending that I found necessary and all
the finishing touches to my BECOMING, I come out today as the same person but
recollected. I am the pieces of my childhood, my teenage times and my future. I
sit here with the same starry eyed reflecting moon glow, passion and
life. I sit here with the same interest for femme possessions- whether it’s Barbie’s
fashion or Poly Pocket’s interior designs. I sit here with the same passion for
poetry, for writing, drawing, singing songs and playing the organ. But I sit
here with some fixed reflection that this is the oldest of all that I was and
will not just be. I will go on after this day. I will bring on the same light
that lit hearts and made stories possible just like fairy tales that explode
real life friendships. I sit here with the same kindling and personality that
filled souls with bubbles of laughter and smiles in my own and simple ways of
expressing LOVE, gratitude and importance. I sit here thankful for the lives
that in one way or another had made me grow, made me learn, and open up the
well that is a barrel of precious things. I sit here with a more colorful
dream, with a sweeter song and with a softer heart. I sit here and I am ready
to stand up and take a sip of the same juice that I love. I would sing the same
HAPPY BIRTHDAY chant and probably have dishes of meal as substitute for
candles. I would still close my eyes and make a wish like in the tradition. But
I would whisper it in a prayer that I know I will find as words in my diary as
I look back to my birthday. It would be a sweet memory and it will always be
one of the best times of the year…

Thank you for celebrating my years with you. It’s always been a pleasure. J

It’s Not a Joke

I am waiting, in this solemn footsteps of my own make
believe, I am waiting for what God has for me. And my past would after all be a
wise lesson to learn from. But there is no sign, there is no premonition that
tells me what God really has for me. First off, I am young and I have plenty of
things going on. But I thought about a situation that is mature enough for me
but I would have my own say about it:

 Marriage. When do you know that she or he is the one that God
has for you already?

To me, marriage might mean many things. It could be
everything that God has given to couples who finally decide that they are in
for the eternal commitment, with a vow and a ring. I think of it as a starting
over and taking it in a level of reality and with terms such as LOYALTY,
FOREVER… I come to think about the other side as well that this would mean real
business- children would come about, money matters, domestication issues, going
on their own and parents got to have their say as well.

To some people, marriage might be just deciding and feeling
that their bf or gf is the one. I think that is an illusion. That is only a
feeling without much depth. Not unless it is done with a ring, a family supervision,
and an agreement, telling off that he or she is the one  already could only mean that he or she’s the one
for a couple of years or for some time. A year of being together as a couple is
not like forever. Time is not enough proof. Forever is not even a fixed thing.
Forever doesn’t exist in the physical and human form. Only eternal things. Not immortality. Life after death.
But not life without death.

None can really tell what would happen in a decade among
lovers, what more in decades? None can tell if married people are together with
the same love they had 50 years before their golden anniversary, or if it has
gone stronger through time or tested with impediments and still working with it.
None could tell if they are together for the children or because of attachment
or the financial security that allows them to have a security blanket. None
could tell if it’s just because they are following a societal trend- a dictate
that this is how married people should be and that this is the good sample to
give their kids. Then what about those that ended up in divorce and then lived
a happier new married life afterwards? What about those who ended not in
divorce but with thoughts of it but lived an unhappy married life with the
spouse that they formed barriers with? Married couples use counseling for their
parenting and marriage because it is never easy. Some find themselves in that
therapeutic process on their own as they transcend in individual thinking. They
reflect upon anomalism, the lives of their children, their future stability… but
do they think about how they still love each other? Do they still treat each other
with respect or with the glint of happiness the way they had when they first tied
the knots and vowed forever? Or are they together because they are just???

I believe that it’s a serious matter to be taken too
lightly. Marriage has no other excuse. It is not because you need that person
to support your needs and to have him or her at your eyes all the time. It’s
not just living in a house. It’s building a home and putting the vital
foundation at the center. It’s not like lego pieces that you connect as chunks of meaningless pieces. It’s got to be a perfected masterpiece. It’s promising with sincerity. It’s accepting
everything no matter what happens. No matter it is seventeen or seventy at
age. It’s not about “for some time only”. It’s forever. It’s not a joke.

Rascall Flatts - “You”

Chorus
Every road that I’ve been down
The only truth that I have found
There’s only one thing I can’t live without
You

Every road that I’ve been down in my life
Every time I feel I’m taking off
Every road that I’ve been down in my life
Every road girl, leads me to you
Yes it did, yes it did
Every road girl
Every road leads me to you